You always hear on movies containing a therapist to "start at the beginning." But since it's only 6pm, it's not story time and I'm sure most of you really couldn't care less, I'll skip to the beginning of my day today, after a bit of who-am-I type stuff.
I'm a single mom of a young son. Divorced, dating someone for only a few weeks now. I work way more than I should and bring home less and less thanks to taxes. My job is tough, EMT, but I love it! More than that, I seem to be a crap-magnet. For some dumb reason I seem to attract more BS to me than any single person should ever have. But that's why I'm here, this is my idea of a cheap therapy session. If this is actually being read by anyone, and you'd like to make a comment, please do. I have no secrets if I post something here. I have no desire to offend anyone who may read, but keep in mind that you are being afforded a view into my world. You need to realize that you are a guest here and my leave at any point. If you're offended, leave. I cuss, I swear, I don't mean to hurt feelings but if you want PC then go to CNN. But I do like getting comments. They help me realize that I'm not alone in the fishbowl.
So what's with my day? Well it started at midnight like everyone else's, only I was still awake. Took a very important test yesterday and the score shows up online "at some point within the next 48 hours." Ugh.... Could that line suck any more? I mean, honestly, let's go ahead and condemn me to 2 days with no sleep at all... And yes, I was still up at 1. The test is computer based and will increase in difficulty as you answer more questions correctly. Now, let's take a look at what that actually means. A test that will figure out how smart you are then increase intensity until you feel dumb again. This is like some IT nerd had a chip on his shoulder and a weird fetish with medieval torture devices, and has figured out how to blend torture and computers. As if getting a computer to actually do what you want it to isn't torture enough!!! This "smart test" will also cut off at some random point when it realizes that no matter how many more questions you get right you will: 1. pass or 2. fail. A 75 is passing. Mine cut off at 148 questions. So this smart-ass computer, excuse me, smart computer gave me a test that made my brain feel like jello, got harder with each question, and cut off randomly at 148. I knew I'd gotten at least 5 right. Wow, 5. So what about the other 143? And that's why I was up at 1 am, then again at 5.
Ok, ok, I'm good, I can handle this. I'm confident in my skills, my knowledge base, and the fact that I'm never bombed a written test. It was at 9:15 this morning that I learned I'd passed. AHHHHH, stress level knocks down a notch... Finally! Although part 2 of the test is the hands-on portion this weekend, I'm pretty confident in my skills there this time. So I send news around to all my friends about my good news of passing the first time taking it!
The elation is short lived however. See, I have a problem with my mouth. It's like word vomit that I just can't stop. Doesn't matter if it's spoken or written, there are times I say (or type) something totally innocently and it gets taken WAY wrong. Well, let's just say that happened today. I realized that I'd typed something while venting on a page that no longer exists and someone brought it to another person's attention. That last person was someone I'd NEVER think of hurting on any level, for any reason. My boss called me about it. (ouch!) I may lose my job for it. (Ouch again!) Though if that is what happens, I will still send the apology letter that I am, even now, formulating in my head. I'm the type of person that will fess-up if I screw up something, and feel horrible if I offend anyone without the intent to do just that. I'm not saying I'm a nice sweet person who'd NEVER offend anyone, I offend lots of people. But I do it on purpose, and to their face. So this SUCKS!! Stress level went right back up, and I'm stuck at work.
As for the person who brought up only the potentially hurtful part of my blog, I think I know who you are. Though that really doesn't bother me to ACTUALLY know who you are. YOU know, and YOU will have the Karmic payback for it. Why would you do something like that anyway? If you don't like me, tell me, tell your friends, start some shit about me; hell - work it out in therapy yourself if that's what you need to do. But why would you twist something around like that? Why would you send only the potentially hurtful parts of a private and password protected blog to someone else to hurt their feelings? Why would you not send the whole story at least? Though we know the answer to that last question, don't we? You want me to get in trouble.... Ok, how's this? I have survived more than this unnecessary drama. I will do it again. And I have one thing that you obviously know nothing about: Grace! How to get through an awkward moment with my honor, and usually my original friendship with the offended party, in tact! If it is my desire to offend someone I am capable of doing that without help, thanks. I am sorry that your petty attempts to derail my character are going to fail, good luck with your life.
I smell whiskey in my future!!
C
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